“They think I’m an idiot”
“How could they say that?”
“They have more/better than I do”
“I’m so embarrassed”
“I feel like a failure”
“If ‘they’ only knew the real me, they’d leave me”
Do you find these kinds of thoughts occupying space in your head?
These thought create a LOT of unhealthy behavior. We have learned to not accept and deflect and run away from difficult, painful feelings. So instead of admitting our hurt, and letting it go, we escape, lash out, lash in, get mad etc…
The secret to emotional resilience is facing our flaws, mistakes and painful feelings and accepting ourselves anyway.
And here’s my 5 second trick to start approving of yourself NOW:
Even Though Statements – “Even Though _____________, I love/approve of/accept myself”.
So, “They think I’m an idiot” becomes,
“Even though they think I’m an idiot, I love and accept myself”.
Or, “Even though I feel like an idiot, or even though I made a mistake, I love and accept myself”.
This little tool allows us to admit painful feelings, by empowering us to love ourselves unconditionally despite our mistakes, weaknesses, feelings rather than looking to others for approval.
Why does this work?
Our primary drive is for approval, and while we think we crave approve from others it’s actually our own approval we seek.
Think about a quality you have that you feel very confident in. If someone criticizes that, you don’t feel triggered. You know that’s their opinion but it’s not true – because you approve of yourself.
Now think of a quality you don’t feel confident about. If someone criticizes you about this you may feel hurt embarrassed, mad or keep replaying it in your mind. You might believe their disapproval, because you don’t unconditionally approve of the part of you they are criticizing.
So when you have painful feelings, consciously giving yourself the approval “they” aren’t giving empowers you to feel the feelings and start unconditionally approving of yourself.
Seems too simple? Try it! Take a deep breath, say it a few times, and see for yourself.
Dr. Janet Fienemann is a Coach and Psychotherapist helping women (in-person & online) master their thoughts and emotions; kick destructive relationship patterns, anxiety and self-doubt to the curb; and finally create the life they truly desire. To contact Dr. Janet or to work with her one-on-one or through her signature program, Rock Your Life, please contact her at https://drjanetfienemann.com. She would love to hear from you.